- Brett Favre loves to play football probably more than any man thats playing now and maybe ever has played or ever will play . . . But he also loves to play with boobies . . . just as much as the rest of us.
T-I-T-S!
- They could make a movie about what happended to Randy Moss this year. They could call it "How to Lose Your Job & Alienate Teammates" or "Pariah".
I would pay straight cash homie to see this movie!
- Sexual assault is a serious problem that the NFL has had to deal with over the years, and at the very least, it is a FAR worse offense than smoking a little weed . . . unless you are the Pittsburgh Steelers.
- The new reality TV show 'The T.Ocho Show' and the 2010 Cincinatti Bengals proved that former All-Pro wideouts Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson-Ochocinco-Johnson are over-paid, over-celebrated, kinda getting old, and un-entertaining, both on and off the field.
"We're terrible."
- Fat guys can be prima donnas too.
"There is NO WAY that I'm getting sweaty today . . ."
- A player receiving a touchdown pass in the endzone does not get credit for a receiving touchdown unless he comes down with possession of the ball, with both feet inbounds, with full control of the ball all the way to the ground, without bobbling it, tightly gripped to his fingers and/or forearm(s)/bicep(s), in a continued football motion, for atleast 1.7 seconds, with the ball at a greater than 45-degree angle from the player's sternum, and cradled closely and securely to the chest as if it were God's only son sent to us from Heaven to Earth that he whoever believeth in him shall not die but have eternal life.
Blessed are the pass catchers . . .
- Professional football (John Facenda voice) not only a game, but a war -- a violent battle between seething gladiators, clashing furiously and with great tumult -- while trying not to hit their opponent in the helmet with one's own helmet, in fear of receiving a substantial fine and possible suspension . . .
- If you're gonna fake an injury, or if you really are legitimately injured, and it's the NFL playoffs, and you have a reputation of being sort of a whiny baby, you should grab some crutches, or at least look like you care, or else the situation will almost certainly define your career to this point.
Jay Cutler=FML
- Theres nothing funny about losing in the NFL . . . except players speaking after losing in the NFL.
- A game can be cancelled if there is too much snow, because the safety of the fans is very important to the NFL. So its a good thing they don't plan on having a Super Bowl outdoors in a northern city anytime soon.
Julius Peppers is a beast. The man ain't no ordinary defensive end; he's an all around athlete with the agility of a free safety and the body frame of Frankenstein. We've seen Julius on the gridiron, a steam engine, plowing through offensive lineman en route to the quarterback. But have you ever seen him on the hardwood, running the floor on the break and skying above the rim to catch and throwdown alley-oops? Yeah, Peppers was big man on campus at North Carolina for the Tar Heels in the early 2000s, playing in the NCAA Tournament twice in his career. He's not the only guy in the NFL though that could hoop in college. Donovan McNabb played for Jim Boeheim at Syracuse long before Melo did and Antonio Gates didn't even put on pads while at Kent State; he was too busy averaging 17-and-8 for the Golden Flashes basketball team. There's alotta guys in the NFL that I think would've been nice at ball too, even thought they didn't play in college . . .
The Johnson Brothers
5. Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans, 6-3 225. I can picture this smooth route runner pushing the rock in transition and going in for a Jason Richardson-like tomahawk dunk or pulling up for the outside 'J' like, say, Joe Johnson . . . they kinda look alike anyway.
4. Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots, 6-4 225. He's not quick but tell me he wouldn't be the smartest player on the floor!?!? I can see Tom Terrific being a combination of Larry Bird and Steve Nash. Bird for the court vision, pinpoint passing and anticipation, and knack for coming up big when it matters the most. Nash because of the haircut. (I can see Brady tucking his hair back behind his ears while standing at the free-throw line and waiting for the ref to hand him the ball, bending his knees while repeating his follow through, then blowing a kiss to Gisellein the stands.)
The Greatest Boston Athlete Ever
3. Chad Ochocinco, WR, Cincinnati Bengals, 6-1 192. The only player in the league with a big enough ego to compete with LeBron's. The antics would be so hilarious that David Stern would hate him immediately. (How about the Black Mamba vs. The Black Mexican?)He'd be like A.I., the Glove, Rodman, and Shaq rolled into one. He'd be the biggest trash-talker on the court: "You think anyone in tha league could guard me????, CHILD PLEASE."
2. Brian Urlacher, LB, Chicago Bears, 6-4 258. I'd bring him in off the bench as a defender and enforcer; ya know, throw around his weight and rough up Kobe.
1. Mike Vick, QB, Philadelphia Eagles, 6-0 215. A throwback floor general in the mold of Isaiah Thomas. Outside of Chris Paul and Rajon Rondo, no one in the league would be faster with the ball in their hands than Vick. If you don't think so just watch his NFL highlight reel and witness the ridiculous ability to change direction and just flat out make people look stupid. Nuff said.
