Sunday, February 6, 2011

10 Things We Learned From The NFL Season

- Brett Favre loves to play football probably more than any man thats playing now and maybe ever has played or ever will play . . . But he also loves to play with boobies . . . just as much as the rest of us.


- They could make a movie about what happended to Randy Moss this year.  They could call it "How to Lose Your Job & Alienate Teammates" or "Pariah".

I would pay straight cash homie to see this movie!
 - Sexual assault is a serious problem that the NFL has had to deal with over the years, and at the very least, it is a FAR worse offense than smoking a little weed . . . unless you are the Pittsburgh Steelers.

- The new reality TV show 'The T.Ocho Show' and the 2010 Cincinatti Bengals proved that former All-Pro wideouts Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson-Ochocinco-Johnson are over-paid, over-celebrated, kinda getting old, and un-entertaining, both on and off the field.


"We're terrible."
- Fat guys can be prima donnas too.

"There is NO WAY that I'm getting sweaty today . . ."
- A player receiving a touchdown pass in the endzone does not get credit for a receiving touchdown unless he comes down with possession of the ball, with both feet inbounds, with full control of the ball all the way to the ground, without bobbling it, tightly gripped to his fingers and/or forearm(s)/bicep(s), in a   continued football motion, for atleast 1.7 seconds, with the ball at a greater than 45-degree angle from the player's sternum, and cradled closely and securely to the chest as if it were God's only son sent to us from Heaven to Earth that he whoever believeth in him shall not die but have eternal life.

Blessed are the pass catchers . . .
- Professional football (John Facenda voice) not only a game, but a war -- a violent battle between seething gladiators, clashing furiously and with great tumult -- while trying not to hit their opponent in the helmet with one's own helmet, in fear of receiving a substantial fine and possible suspension . . .

- If you're gonna fake an injury, or if you really are legitimately injured, and it's the NFL playoffs, and you have a reputation of being sort of a whiny baby, you should grab some crutches, or at least look like you care, or else the situation will almost certainly define your career to this point.

Jay Cutler=FML

- Theres nothing funny about losing in the NFL . . . except players speaking after losing in the NFL.

- A game can be cancelled if there is too much snow, because the safety of the fans is very important to the NFL.  So its a good thing they don't plan on having a Super Bowl outdoors in a northern city anytime soon.

Can't wait! 2014, Super Bowl Sunday (or Tuesday)!

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